daisy chaingun

dream peaceful, nana

2009-12-06T00:06:50Z

Marjorie Ethel Selena Stenning (née Chinnery):
18 March 1920 - 30 November 2009

It is with heartfelt sadness that the family of Marjorie Stenning announces the passing of our dear mother and grandmother. Marjorie, who was born in England on 18 March 1920 and came to Canada as a war bride in 1946, passed away comfortably surrounded by her loving family on 30 November 2009. Strong and gracious to the end, she touched the hearts of many with her kindness and generosity. Marjorie is predeceased by her beloved husband Vic, and survived by her children Dawne Nelson (Doug), Mark Stenning (Pat), Lynn Wight (Geoff), and Carol Hobbs; her eight grandchildren (Tera, Dana, Rick, Dan, Jonathan, Martin, Bryan, and Katie); Dawne's step-daughters (Debby and Shelly); her devoted brother Ken Chinnery and his caring family in England; and her Stenning nieces and nephews, with many thanks to her niece Cecile Halsey for her continuous love and affection. Marjorie will be greatly missed by her many friends at Chelsea Gardens, whose companionship she held so dear. The family would like to extend their gratitude and appreciation to Drs. Niamh and Larry Darby, and to the doctors, nurses, and staff of the palliative care unit of Peace Arch Hospital for their wonderful care and support. We love and miss you Mum, and you will always have a very special place in our hearts. At Mum's request, a private family service will be held. A donation in her memory can be made to a charity of your choice. "Till We Meet Again Some Sunny Day..."

something's fucky

2009-10-08T21:59:29Z

a couple of days ago i dropped a package of tictacs on my foot and it actually left a bruise.

patrick is coming to vancouver with me.

(!!!)

more-atorium

2009-10-07T01:42:32Z

new project: run out of everything

i'm overwhelmed with a desire to use things up. i want to have nothing. condiments, freezer items, canned goods, lotions, product - anything that accumulates, or that i tend to replaced before it's gone. and not just the duplicates and triplicates: i want to use up all the baking soda, vinegar, dishsoap, staples, notepads, envelopes, cotton balls, eyeshadow, chapstick, toothpicks ...

this is not a drive towards conspicuous consumption at the level of illness; rather, i want to be the old lady whose cupboards are bare. i want there to be nothing left.

the satisfaction i currently derive from tossing empty salad-dressing jars into the recycling almost sets off the ocd alarm, but if i'm reverse-hoarding, so be it. there is just so much, and i ardently desire less.

anagrammar

2009-09-18T06:16:34Z

D I S S E R T A T I O N

disaster into - our journey beginneth
a dissent riot - "an original contribution to the discursive community"
idea sits torn - writer's block

dire stations - our desks
astern idiots - grad students
raised tits no - inevitable sexual frustration, social retardation

diarists note - pretentiousness
stationers id - wasted paper
saint editors - spellcheck, shift-F7, etc etc

sedation stir - medicated cabin fever
trained sit so - institutionalised ASD (attention surplus disorder)
instead i sort - procrastination

asteroid tins - preferred holding vessel of the faraday and foil hat community
inertias dots - starfield simulation screensaver
striated ions - pixelated visual impairment
star sedition - paranoia creeps in
sonar ditties - songs in our heads

soda nitrites - redbull poisoning
orient sadist - our supervisor
arsonist edit - the burning method of revision

sanitised rot - submit, defend.

FTW?

2009-08-30T09:34:17Z

however ill-advised, hope glimmers. there is a light that never goes out.

the situation is no longer dire, and i'm hoping honesty remains the best policy.

my grownup brother has faced the grownup effects of the economy, and was laid off. he's using his EI to go to the beach.

ailing grandparents continue to hold onto lives still worth living. neither say much, but i suspect they feel they don't need to.

i will start writing my dissertation september 8. you heard me.

august might be the beginning of winter in edmonton, but i can't help but live for those 14 minutes of fall.

fail blog

2009-07-13T08:23:24Z

i have unsuccessfully fallen out of love with the one person who has hurt me more than anyone else in my life, and have allowed the last two weeks raise hopes i had intended to dash to pieces. panic swelling my throat again, but of course it's nobody's fault but my own. fool me twice. thrice. over and over again. please.

i let my dearest friend fall in love with me, and it seems that if he can't have me on his terms, he won't have me at all. sensible, really. i do this to myself. i do. but that's not what really hurts. i hear myself say things that have so recently been said to me, and can almost see it from the other side.

me brutha is officially more grown up than i. on top of the engineering salary and the audi, he now shares a lovely yuppie apartment with his girlfriend. i ate the supper they made thoughtfully and quietly, reminding myself that i don't want any of it anyway while stabbing a fork into my thigh.

two of my three remaining grandparents are not long for this world. one on oxygen, the other morphine; the first suffering from heart failure (we were surprised to learn he has one), the other weak bones and waning will. i don't know what to do or how to feel so mostly i don't.

this is the nine month mark of doing sweet fuck all. i waste time a lot of time and money and breath being a layabout and a ne'er-do-well. as in every other aspect of my life, i've nothing to show for myself.

but last night i went skinny-dipping by moonlight at wreck on a 3:30am whim and swam until sunrise, so maybe it's time to get my head out of my ass and back into my game. i tire of being off it.

this sex which is not what?

2009-06-01T19:37:21Z

umm, i think i was just accepted to that seminar with luce irigaray.

omg?

slow descent into alcoholism

2009-05-17T06:25:09Z

saturday night. i fail at everything except drinking beer, at which i'm total pro (that's what i'm here for). i've been losing time since i was, like, eight, and it's starting to catch up with me. sleep too much or not at all, spend minutes on end staring at nothing in particular, shoulders strained with guilt and anxiety and impending doom. the space i'm in is large and empty.

painted toenails do not a dissertation write.

i swear i'm not scared. that is not what this is. i just don't want any of it. status quo, yo.

in the springtime of his voodoo

2009-04-21T20:31:41Z

dreamt last night i was on a pier at a beach with an unobscured view of new york (sans bridges), surrounded by unassuming passers-by of the dimanche après-midi à l'île de la grande jatte variety. a bird - not seagull - found a large mussel and cracked it open like an egg. the contents slid into the water, where it lay brightly visible amidst a cluster of rocks. i made my brother dive in to fetch it and returned it to the bird, who promptly ignored it.

two nights ago i dreamt i scored a million scrabble points with the word "vivisect."

i haven't really been okay lately.

capacity to be blue and unwell reached critical mass around 4 o'clock this morning, at which point i decided i need my life back. better sleep habits, better food habits, better work habits, less habitual drinking and feeling like i'm dying inside. knees closed; eyes, mind, windows open: i will walk along these hillsides in the summer 'neath the sunshine.

here endeth the winter of my discontent, version 2.7

why i do what i do: or, exercises in futility

2009-04-16T03:44:11Z

Graduate Student Seminar with Luce Irigaray
Queen Mary College, University of London

holy shit, right? yeah.

My dissertation, entitled “Still Life: Passive Agency in the Gothic Novel,” relies on psychoanalytic theories of sexuality, subjectivity, and agency to explore the strategic possibilities of female passivity in the eighteenth- and nineteenth-century gothic novel. Psychoanalytic theory and the production of the psychosexual self are, as Judith Halberstam notes, informed by the gothic, just as the history of gothic criticism is overwhelmingly informed by psychoanalysis. The emergence of the gothic coincides with an emergence of what Foucault calls a “new technology of the self,” determined by historically concomitant discourses of individualism, subjectivity, and sexuality. My project is not an attempt to develop a psychoanalytic reading of the gothic (as would follow from the examples of Halberstam, Sedgwick, Grosz, etc.), but instead uses the gothic to examine the emergence of a particular female subjectivity in terms of passivity. As such, theories of psychoanalysis, and Luce Irigaray’s work in particular, are integral to my analysis of passivity in the gothic novel and its relation to both historical and contemporary formulations of sexuality, subjectivity, and agency. The language of psychoanalysis provides me with a vocabulary with which to examine passivity as it signifies within alternative systems of representation, as Irigaray’s theories (as well as those developed by Lacan, Kristeva, and Žižek) both construct and fail to account for the forms of passivity and agency on which I base my dissertation.

The conceptual framework of my project considers the representation of passivity as it informs female agency and subject formation. The association of passivity with femininity in psychoanalytic constructions of the subject (and a larger history of western dualism) is grounded in binaries of male/female, active/passive, and subject/object, in which the passive female object is defined against the active male subject. Constructions and definitions of passivity focus on its contingency: the passive (female object) is acted upon, determined by an external agency, and subject to suffering. The first definition of passivity in the OED, for example, is the capacity “to suffer” – a definition that is reproduced in the feminist theories of sadomasochism that permeate the gothic critical canon. Analyses of passivity in theories of subjectivity rarely acknowledge other forms, specifically the non-participatory, uncooperative, and inert (as in the concept of “passive resistance”). My conception of passivity looks specifically at this notion of non-participation and inactivity. Rather than continue to reproduce the passive female as something acted upon, subjected to, or determined by an external masculine force and the correlative phallogocentric signifying economy, I explore passivity – specifically in the form of stillness – not merely as resistance to the masculine symbolic order, but as an outright rejection of it. Following from Irigaray’s position that that point of a larger feminist psychoanalytic project is not simply to re-form an imaginary in which the female is subject rather than object, but to destabilize the mechanism of subject formation at its core, my dissertation aims to dislocate passivity from its binary position and trace the emergence of a female subjectivity that is neither contingent on nor subordinate to male activity. To reinterpret passivity outside of or against its connotations of receptivity and contingency within the phallogocentric symbolic order which locates activity in visibility and presence allows for a troubling of the borders of subject formation that exclude femininity and female agency.

The chapter breakdown of my dissertation is structured so as to examine four recurrent representations of female passivity: unconsciousness, sleep, illness, and death. The first chapter will explore the gothic romances of Ann Radcliffe, whose sentimental heroines repeatedly faint or suffer from fits of unconsciousness which enable them simultaneously to escape physical assault and persecution, and to express emotional and erotic attachment to the appropriate male character. The second chapter will investigate the violent bedchamber scenes of Matthew Lewis’s The Monk (1796) and Charlotte Dacre’s Zofloya (1806), in which the would-be victims of rape and murder prove impenetrable, as the Medusa-like power of their sleeping forms render their attackers impotent and immobile. Chapter three will move into the nineteenth century with an analysis of “the wish to fall ill” and mental and physical illness as strategic incapacity in Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights (1847), and representations of hysteria and female “lunacy” in J Sheridan LeFanu’s under-examined sensation novel The Rose and the Key (1871). Finally, chapter four will consider the will towards death and the eroticization of the female corpse in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1818) and Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897). My dissertation will reimagine female subjectivity within the gothic canon itself, as well as reconsider both historical and contemporary constructions of sexuality in terms of passive agency.

Psychoanalytic theories of subjectivity, as developed by Freud and Lacan, centralize the penis/phallus as the centre of the symbolic, and rely on presuppositions of the primacy of visibility and activity. Their focus on penetration (of the vagina by the penis) as the principle sexual act, and on the penis as the active signifier the vagina passively receives, suggests that because the penis/phallus is what is most easily seen, it is also what is most easily grasped – both in the sense of material tactility, and in recognition or comprehension (connaissance). The penis/phallus is what is most visibly present, and thus what (literally) points toward female absence and lack, and both focus on the clitoris as the site of female genital identification and a necessarily derivative and ultimately failed signifier in their articulations of female sexual development. Lacan suggests that the “problem” of the distinction between the clitoris and the vagina as sites of sexual pleasure has troubled psychoanalytic theories since Freud because “the nature of the vaginal orgasm has kept its secret inviolable” – it cannot be spoken of or accounted for within a phallogocentric signifying economy because it remains hidden from view, it cannot be easily grasped, and it does not fit within its system of representation. Both have difficulty “speaking” the vagina – neither enter the “dark place” into which the phallus disappears, but hover just outside at the active point of penetration.

In “The Laugh of the Medusa,” Hélène Cixous argues that “you can’t talk about a female sexuality, uniform, homogenous, classifiable into codes” because the female imaginary cannot be articulated within a phallogocentric order that relies on the visibility and unitary presence of the phallus. Cixous posits a female imaginary within which “one is always infinitely more than one and more than me,” suggesting that female subjectivity is not unitary, but plural, or multiple, and cannot be reduced to the phallic one. Irigaray shares this idea of the plurality, or multiplicity, of women’s sexuality, and uses it as the basis of her construction of female subjectivity. Irigaray’s work in both Speculum of the Other Woman and This Sex Which Is Not One rejects Freud and Lacan’s location of the penis/phallus as the symbolic centre and the correlative “overcathexis of the eye” in their theories of sexuality and subject formation. This rejection of the visual dominance of the one sex/organ – the penis/phallus – that points toward woman’s absence enables the rearticulation of an imaginary that privileges neither visibility nor singularity.

Irigaray’s use of the image of the vagina, “two lips in continuous contact,” as a representational metaphor describes an imaginary that centralizes the plural rather than singular, touch rather than sight, and contiguity rather than separation. Phallogocentric language is a disruption of this contiguity – as the fellatory phallus forcing itself between woman’s lips and suffocating her ability to speak (ie: her entry into language and the symbolic order). However, as Irigaray makes clear, while the penis/phallus as a site of sexual pleasure must always be mediated (by the hand, the vagina, etc.), the vagina requires no external intervention as it is always already in continuous contact with itself. The vagina thus is not passive, in the traditional sense – it does not lie dormant, waiting to receive the penis/phallus; rather, it is what is active within a symbolic order in which touch is not mediated by sight – it just doesn’t look active within in a symbolic order in which activity is contingent upon visibility. My project utilizes an Irigarayan alternative system of representation to reject the distinctions between I/Other and Inside/Outside, which replicate Lacan’s 1/0 binary of phallus/hole. This “hole in men’s signifying economy” is thus a way around or outside of the Freudian/Lacanian notion that female passivity is an instantiation of failed phallic signification that attempts to enclose and explain female subject development within a system which, by its very nature, cannot account for it. The metaphoricity of the vagina – that which is always active in its stillness, as it always “touches upon” itself – shifts the terms of representation to enable an articulation of female subjectivity and sexual agency outside of a symbolic order in which it remains a derivative, supplementary failure.

The gothic novel gives rise to the aberrant and perverse, as it is grounded precisely in that which is unspoken, or unaccounted for, in the history of the novel of formal realism. If the formal realist novel can be aligned with active discourse and that which is spoken, the gothic gives voice to the silent, the things one declines to say, and that which is, to use Eve Sedgwick’s term, “unutterable.” Gothic conventions rely on speaking the unspeakable and narrative representations of psychological fantasy while simultaneously providing psychoanalytic theories a system of representation within which to articulate these psychological fantasies and desires. The chronological intersection of the Foucauldian history of sexuality and the literary history of the gothic encourages the reading of each in terms of the other. In this way, my dissertation uses psychoanalytic theory to read the gothic in order to read the gothic back into psychoanalytic theory. Irigaray’s exploitation of the limits and omissions of particular discourses, histories, and binaries destabilizes the dominant system of representation in ways that allow for my project to emerge from a position of silence and liminality – that which cannot be spoken of or accounted for within a phallogocentric symbolic order – and rearticulate passivity as a strategic form of female agency. Irigaray’s work thus enables my exploration of an alternative signifying economy in which passivity is not an absent value.

amor/atorium

2009-03-19T07:50:37Z

no one gets what they give, so we take what we can get. a raw deal, that. i give and forgive, and for what? nothing more than this, where this is the castrated hollowness of where my insides used to be.

i really wanted to be wrong about everything.

fat tuesday

2009-03-02T20:37:34Z

sometimes i am extremely frustrated by the "health movement." why is it impossible to find gum that isn't sugarless, or yoghurt that isn't fat-reduced? i prefer my life full of fat and sugar. if you want to diet, try a bad break-up or acquire a meth addiction. don't ruin it for the rest of us.

<3

2009-02-14T22:34:28Z

which is not to say that the people who share my life with me aren't fucking amazing.

happy VD kids. i heart you very much.

post-"when harry met sally"

2009-02-13T10:22:38Z

i've always been a girl-hater. ever since i was a tiny person, girls were never my thing. my preschool report card read "chooses to associate more with boys," and that's how i roll. until highschool, i thought it was because i didn't need them. then i figured out i was wrong, and found myself violently attached to the bestest girlz ever. they probably don't know it, but i thank my lucky stars pretty much every day for having them in my life. so while i still tend to befriend dudes more often and easily than ladies, now it's more because i feel like i have that base covered. it's not that i don't need them - it's that i couldn't ask for anything more.

the boys in my life are more transient, the friendships more fleeting. they fall out of touch, or out of season, or in love with girls who aren't me. i hate that. i write them off, and find new ones. on occasion, however, they fall in love with girls who *are* me. usually because i've tried to make it happen. i develop an intense friend-crush and demand the same intensity in return. mayhem ensues. these are the best friends i've ever had, the best lovers i haven't, and the only people with unreserved access to my insides, which i resent because the reverse is never the case. so i taunt and tease and behave like a brat, pushy 'til i push them away, cuz when have i ever been good with vulnerability? and invariably, they bail.

i don't think it's the difference between an intense sexual history and a history of sexual tension. or misguided acts of self-preservation. or waiting for the other shoe or ball or whatever to drop. i think it's probably because i'm a jackass. which sucks, you know, a lot.

(i miss you)

as i recall, it was a horror film

2009-02-01T03:18:37Z

i decided there weren't enough assholes on the internet bitching about movies, so my boys and i started a blog. there are only two entries so far, but i've plenty of time to kill.

this twilight garden

2009-01-19T02:28:52Z

why do all mix cds made in earnest end up sounding like the juno soundtrack?
is this what happens when love sucks less?

i am learning. having almost stifled the self-preservation cries of little miss hatelove and held dearly to something i never quite had, it seems i'm capable of both patience and perseverance. i guess sometimes you can get what you want if you want it badly enough. i'm trying really hard to believe in me, and not wait to be proven wrong.

if that leaves me smiling in the face of welsh twee and feedback gospel, i can't really complain.

tentative shades of ...

2009-01-05T09:30:49Z

i might've been a bit hasty.

heartburn

2008-12-31T23:47:29Z

clinched indeed: worst. year. ever.

the difference between 27 and 24 is so much more than 3 ...

fuck 2008

the winter of my discontent

2008-12-11T11:27:09Z

revamped from last year, which was characterized by an unvarying level of mediocrity.
2008 is in the running for both best and worst year ever. tomorrow should clinch it.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
went all in. turns out i'm not a gambling man. was left with nothing but this drink in my hand.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't make any, so at least i didn't fail.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
babies abounded, few in proximity to me.
a lot of people had them; i didn't.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
my (other) beloved kitten-cat

5. What places did you visit?
montréal, south bend (indiana), somewhere in michigan, the chicago airport

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
self-esteem

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
july 29. august 22. september 15.
the beginning, the middle, and the end.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
i'm ABD

9. What was your biggest failure?
i don't actually know anything. or better.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
my insides never got so much play

11. What was the best thing you bought?
peace of mind. the government owes me $525.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
the internet's

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
everyone else's

14. Where did most of your money go?
more shoes. more booze.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
a boy

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
MIA - paper planes

17. Compared to this time last year, are you?
i. happier or hardened? ironclad.
ii. thinner or fatter? smaller. sprightly. i step lightly.
iii. richer or poorer? i have always enjoyed living slightly beyond my means.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
work

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
cry. drink ... but only sorta.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
snowed in

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
epically. tragically. grecian proportions.

23. How many one-night stands?
none, ever. still.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
gossip girl

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
on being hated: don't give way to hating. look good; talk wise.
i'm still trying

26. What was the best book you read?
i'm working hard on repressing most of the reading i did this year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
yelle. lykke li.

28. What did you want and get?
the fiery passion of a thousand suns

29. What did you want and not get?
yes i said yes i will yes

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
machinegirl

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
three-cubed, balls deep in slutty redheads with my best girlz and some amazing boys

32. What's one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
affirmation

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
grey. black. boots.

34. What kept you sane?
girlz. boys. beer. text messaging.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
chuck bass, cuz i'm a pervy cougar lady like that

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the american presidential election

37. Who did you miss?
ephera. my city. you.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
chadrock

.

that said, i intend to make 2009 fucking awesome.

music for a jilted generation

2008-11-25T00:35:55Z

i'm having a 90s party.

1. 10 000 Maniacs - Because the Night [1993]
2. 311 - Down [1995]
3. 4 Non Blondes - What's Up [1993]
4. Ace of Base - All That She Wants [1993]
5. Ace of Base - The Sign [1993]
6. Aerosmith - Crazy [1993]
7. Aerosmith - Cryin' [1993]
8. Age of Electric - Remote Control [1997]
9. Alanis Morissette - Ironic [1995]
10. Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know [1995]
11. Alice in Chains - Man in the Box [1990]
12. Alice in Chains - Rooster [1992]
13. All 4 One - I Swear [1994]
14. Aqua - Barbie Girl [1997]
15. Arrested Development - Mr Wendall [1992]
16. Barenaked Ladies - One Week [1998]
17. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic [1998]
18. Beastie Boys - Sabatoge [1994]
19. Beck - Loser [1994]
20. Beck - Nicotine & Gravy [1999]
21. Beck - Where It's At [1996]
22. Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison [1990]
23. Better than Ezra - Good [1995]
24. Big Wreck - That Song [1998]
25. Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl [1993]
26. Bjork - Army of Me [1995]
27. Bjork - Big Time Sensuality [1993]
28. Black Crowes - She Talks to Angels [1990]
29. Blackstreet - No Diggity [1996]
30. Blind Melon - Galaxie [1995]
31. Blind Melon - No Rain [1992]
32. Blink 182 - What's My Age Again? [1999]
33. Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn [1996]
34. Blur - Girls and Boys [1994]
35. Blur - Song 2 [1997]
36. Bobby Brown - Humpin' Around [1992]
37. Bone Thugs n Harmony - Crossroads [1995]
38. Bone Thugs n Harmony - Mo' Murda [1995]
39. Boys II Men - Motownphilly [1991]
40. Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love to You [1994]
41. Bran Van 3000 - Drinking in LA [1998]
42. Brandy + Monica - The Boy is Mine [1998]
43. Britney Spears - Baby One More Time [1999]
44. Bryan Adams - Everything I Do, I Do It For You [1991]
45. Bush - Glycerine [1994]
46. Bush - Little Things [1994]
47. Butthole Surfers - Pepper [1996]
48. C+C Music Factory - Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) [1990]
49. Candlebox - Far Behind [1994]
50. Catherine Wheel - Judy Staring at the Sun [1995]
51. Christina Aguilera - Genie in a Bottle [1999]
52. Chumbawamba - Tubthumping [1997]
53. Collective Soul - December [1995]
54. Collective Soul - Shine [1994]
55. Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up [1991]
56. Coolio - Fantastic Voyage [1994]
57. Coolio - Gangster's Paradise [1995]
58. Counting Crows - A Murder of One [1993]
59. Counting Crows - Mr Jones [1993]
60. Counting Crows - Round Here [1993]
61. Cracker - Get Off This [1994]
62. Cracker - Low [1993]
63. Cranberries - Linger [1993]
64. Cranberries - Zombie [1995]
65. Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm [1993]
66. Culture Beat - Mr Vain [1993]
67. Cypress Hill - Hits from the Bong [1993]
68. Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain [1993]
69. Daft Punk - Around the World [1997]
70. David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans [1997]
71. Dead Eye Dick - New Age Girl [1994]
72. Deee-lite - Groove is in the Heart [1990]
73. Deep Blue Something - Breakfast at Tiffany's [1996]
74. Deftones - Bored [1995]
75. Del Amitri - Roll to Me [1995]
76. Depeche Mode - I Feel You [1993]
77. Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus [1990]
78. Des'ree - You Gotta Be [1994]
79. Digable Planets - Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat) [1992]
80. Dionne Farris - I Know [1995]
81. Dishwalla - Counting Blue Cars [1995]
82. Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever [1996]
83. Duran Duran - Come Undone [1993]
84. Duran Duran - Ordinary World [1993]
85. Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight [1997]
86. Econoline Crush - Sparkle and Shine [1997]
87. Econoline Crush - Wicked [1996]
88. Edwyn Collins - A Girl Like You [1994]
89. Elastica - Connection [1994]
90. EMF - Unbelievable [1991]
91. Eminem - My Name Is [1999]
92. En Vogue - Free Your Mind [1992]
93. En Vogue - My Lovin' (Never Gonna Get It) [1992]
94. Enigma - Return to Innocence [1994]
95. Everclear - Santa Monica [1995]
96. Everlast - What It's Like [1998]
97. Filter - Hey Man Nice Shot [1995]
98. Filter - Take a Picture [1999]
99. Flaming Lips - She Don't Use Jelly [1993]
100. Folk Implosion - Natural One [1995]
101. Foo Fighters - Monkey Wrench [1997]
102. Foo Fighters - This is a Call [1995]
103. Freak Nasty - Da Dip [1997]
104. Frente! - Bizarre Love Triangle [1994]
105. Fugees - Killing Me Softly [1996]
106. Gabrielle - Dreams [1993]
107. Garbage - #1 Crush [1996]
108. Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains [1995]
109. Genesis - I Can't Dance [1992]
110. Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down [1996]
111. Gin Blossoms - Hey Jealousy [1993]
112. Ginuwine - Pony [1996]
113. Goo Goo Dolls - Iris [1998]
114. Goo Goo Dolls - Name [1995]
115. Green Day - Basket Case [1994]
116. Green Day - Longview [1994]
117. Guns n Roses - Civil War [1991]
118. Guns n Roses - Don't Cry (original) [1991]
119. Guns n Roses - November Rain [1991]
120. Haddaway - What is Love [1993]
121. Hanson - Mmm Bop [1997]
122. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta [1998]
123. Hole - Celebrity Skin [1998]
124. Hole - Miss World [1994]
125. Hole - Violet [1994]
126. Holly McNarland - Numb [1997]
127. Hootie and the Blowfish - Let Her Cry [1994]
128. House of Pain - Jump Around [1992]
129. Ini Kamoze - Here Comes the Hotstepper [1994]
130. Inner Circle - Sweat [1993]
131. Jane's Addiction - Been Caught Stealing [1990]
132. Janet Jackson - That's the Way Love Goes [1993]
133. Jann Arden - Insensitive [1994]
134. Jesus Jones - Right Here Right Now [1991]
135. Joan Osborne - One of Us [1995]
136. Kid Rock - Bawitdaba [1999]
137. KLF - 3am Eternal [1991]
138. Korn - Adidas (Under Pressure mix) [1996]
139. Korn - Blind [1994]
140. Kriss Kross - Jump [1992]
141. L7 - Pretend We're Dead [1992]
142. Lauren Hill - Everything is Everything [1998]
143. Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away [1999]
144. Letters to Cleo - Here and Now [1992]
145. Limp Bizkit - Faith [1997]
146. Limp Bizkit - Nookie [1999]
147. Lisa Loeb - Stay [1994]
148. Live - I Alone [1994]
149. Live - Lightening Crashes [1994]
150. Live - Selling the Drama [1994]
151. Liz Phair - Fuck and Run [1993]
152. Liz Phair - Supernova ([1994]
153. Lou Bega - Mambo #5 [1999]
154. Madonna - Ray of Light [1998]
155. Madonna - Secret [1994]
156. Madonna - Vogue [1990]
157. Marcy Playground - Sex & Candy [1997]
158. Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams (are Made of This) [1995]
159. Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People [1996]
160. Mark Morrison - Return of the Mack [1997]
161. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - Good Viberations [1991]
162. Matchbox 20 - Push [1997]
163. Matthew Good Band - Everything is Automatic [1997]
164. Matthew Good Band - Hello Time Bomb [1999]
165. Mazzy Star - Fade into You [1993]
166. MC Hammer - Too Legit to Quit [1991]
167. MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This [1990]
168. Meat Puppets - Scum [1995]
169. Meatloaf - I Would Do Anything for Love [1993]
170. Megadeth - Symphony of Destruction [1992]
171. Meredith Brooks - Bitch [1997]
172. Metallica - Sad But True [1991]
173. Metallica - The Unforgiven [1991]
174. Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The Impression That I Get [1997]
175. Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod [1991]
176. Moist - Push [1994]
177. Moist - Silver [1994]
178. Montell Jordan - This is How We Do It [1995]
179. Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get [1994]
180. Mr Big - To Be With You [1992]
181. My Bloody Valentine - When You Sleep [1991]
182. Nada Surf - Popular [1996]
183. Naughty by Nature - OPP [1991]
184. New Kids on the Block - Step by Step [1990]
185. New Radicals - You Get What You Give [1998]
186. Nine Inch Nails - Closer [1994]
187. Nine Inch Nails - Hurt [1994]
188. Nine Inch Nails - Starfuckers Inc [1999]
189. Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box ([1993]
190. Nirvana - In Bloom [1991]
191. Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit [1991]
192. No Doubt - Just a Girl [1995]
193. No Doubt - Spiderwebs [1995]
194. Notorious BIG - Mo Money, Mo Problems [1997]
195. Oasis - Champagne Supernova [1995]
196. Oasis - Morning Glory [1995]
197. Oasis - Wonderwall [1995]
198. Offspring - Bad Habit [1994]
199. Offspring - Come Out and Play [1994]
200. Offspring - Self Esteem [1994]
201. Orgy - Blue Monday [1998]
202. Orgy - Stitches [1998]
203. Our Lady Peace - Starseed [1994]
204. Our Lady Peace - Superman's Dead [1997]
205. Pantera - This Love [1992]
206. Pantera - Walk [1992]
207. Pavement - Cut Your Hair [1994]
208. Pavement - Stereo [1997]
209. Pavement - Summer Babe (Winter version) [1992]
210. Pearl Jam - Alive [1991]
211. Pearl Jam - Daughter [1993]
212. Pearl Jam - Jeremy [1991]
213. Pet Shop Boys - Go West.mp3 [1993]
214. Placebo - Every You Every Me [1998]
215. Placebo - Pure Morning [1998]
216. PM Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss [1991]
217. Porno for Pyros - Pets [1993]
218. Porno for Pyros - Tahitian Moon [1996]
219. Portishead - Mysterons [1994]
220. Portishead - Sour Times [1994]
221. Presidents of the United States of America - Lump [1995]
222. Presidents of the United States of America - Peaches [1995]
223. Primal Scream - Get Your Rocks Off [1994]
224. Primus - John the Fisherman [1990]
225. Primus - My Name is Mud [1993]
226. Primus - Wynona's Big Brown Beaver [1995]
227. Prince - 7 [1992]
228. Prince - The Most Beautiful Girl in the World [1995]
229. Prodigy - Breathe [1997]
230. Puff Daddy - Come with Me [1998]
231. Pulp - Common People [1995]
232. Radiohead - Creep [1993]
233. Radiohead - High and Dry [1995]
234. Radiohead - Karma Police [1997]
235. Rage Against the Machine - Freedom [1992]
236. Rage Against the Machine - Killing in the Name [1992]
237. Rancid - Ruby Soho [1995]
238. Rancid - Time Bomb [1995]
239. Real McCoy - Another Night [1994]
240. Real McCoy - Run Away [1995]
241. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication [1999]
242. Red Hot Chili Peppers - My Friends [1995]
243. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge [1991]
244. REM - Losing My Religion [1991]
245. REM - Man on the Moon [1992]
246. REM - What's the Frequency, Kenneth? [1994]
247. Ride - Like a Daydream [1990]
248. Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy [1991]
249. Roxette - Joyride [1991]
250. Salt n Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex [1990]
251. Salt n Pepa - Shoop [1993]
252. Sarah McLachlan - Building a Mystery [1997]
253. Sarah McLachlan - Possession [1993]
254. Savage Garden - I Want You [1997]
255. Screaming Trees - All I Know [1996]
256. Seal - Kiss from a Rose [1994]
257. Seaweed - Start With [1995]
258. Semisonic - Closing Time [1998]
259. Shaggy - Oh Carolina [1993]
260. Shakespeare's Sister - Stay [1992]
261. Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do [1993]
262. Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy [1996]
263. Silverchair - Anthem for the Year 2000 [1999]
264. Silverchair - Tomorrow [1995]
265. Sinad O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U [1990]
266. Sir Mix-a-Lot - Baby Got Back [1992]
267. Skee-Lo - I Wish [1995]
268. Sleater-Kinney - Get Up [1999]
269. Smash Mouth - Walkin' on the Sun [1997]
270. Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 [1995]
271. Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings [1995]
272. Smashing Pumpkins - Today [1993]
273. Snap! - Rhythm is a Dancer [1992]
274. Snoop Dogg - Gin and Juice [1993]
275. Snoop Dogg - Who Am I (What's My Name) [1993]
276. Snow - Informer [1993]
277. Sonic Youth - 100% [1992]
278. Sonic Youth - Bull in the Heather [1994]
279. Sophie B Hawkins - As I Lay Me Down [1994]
280. Soul Asylum - Misery [1995]
281. Soul Asylum - Runaway Train [1992]
282. Soundgarden - Black Hole Sun [1994]
283. Soundgarden - Jesus Christ Pose [1991]
284. Soundgarden - Pretty Noose [1996]
285. Spacehog - In the Meantime [1996]
286. Spice Girls - Spice Up Your Life [1997]
287. Spice Girls - Wannabe [1996]
288. Spin Doctors - Two Princes [1991]
289. Stereo MCs - Connected [1992]
290. Stone Roses - Love Spreads [1994]
291. Stone Temple Pilots - Big Bang Baby [1996]
292. Stone Temple Pilots - Plush [1992]
293. Stroke Nine - Little Black Back Pack [1999]
294. Sugar Ray - Fly [1997]
295. Tag Team - Whoomp! There It Is [1993]
296. Tal Bachman - She's So High [1999]
297. Tea Party - Fire in the Head [1995]
298. Tea Party - Sister Awake [1995]
299. Tea Party - The Bazaar [1995]
300. Tears For Fears - Break It Down [1993]
301. Technotronic - Move This [1992]
302. Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike [1991]
303. The Breeders - Cannonball [1993]
304. The Cardigans - Lovefool [1996]
305. The Cure - A Letter to Elise [1992]
306. The Cure - Friday I'm in Love [1992]
307. The Flys - Got You (Where I Want You) [1998]
308. The Fugees - Killing Me Softly [1996]
309. The Gandharvas - Downtime [1997]
310. The Gandharvas - The First Day of Spring [1994]
311. The Lemonheads - Into Your Arms [1993]
312. The Odds - Eat My Brain [1995]
313. The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony [1997]
314. The Verve Pipe - The Freshmen [1997]
315. The Wallflowers - One Headlight [1996]
316. Third Eye Blind - How's It Going to Be [1998]
317. Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life [1997]
318. TLC - Red Light Special [1994]
319. TLC - Waterfalls [1994]
320. Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fall Down [1994]
321. Toadies - Possum Kingdom [1994]
322. Tom Cochrane - Life is a Highway [1991]
323. Tom Petty - Last Dance with Mary Jane [1993]
324. Tool - Sober [1993]
325. Tool - Aenema [1996]
326. Tracy Chapman - Give Me One Reason [1995]
327. Tragically Hip - Courage [1992]
328. Tragically Hip - Little Bones [1991]
329. Tragically Hip - Nautical Disaster [1994]
330. Tripping Daisy - I Got A Girl [1995]
331. Tripping Daisy - Piranha [1995]
332. Tupac - California Love [1996]
333. U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me [1995]
334. U2 - Mysterious Ways [1991]
335. U2 - One [1991]
336. Us 3 - Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia) [1993]
337. Utah Saints - Something Good [1992]
338. Van Halen - Right Now [1991]
339. Vanessa Williams - Save the Best for Last [1992]
340. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby [1990]
341. Vanilla Ice - Ninja Rap [1991]
342. Veruca Salt - Seether [1994]
343. Veruca Salt - Volcano Girls [1997]
344. Violent Femmes - American Music [1991]
345. Warren G - Regulate [1994]
346. Weezer - Buddy Holly [1994]
347. Weezer - El Scorcho [1996]
348. Weezer - Say It Ain't So [1994]
349. White Zombie - More Human than Human [1995]
350. Wreckx-n-Effect - Rump Shaker [1993]

it's going to be fucking rad.

shit to do and an appointment on tuesday

2008-09-16T18:38:16Z

never have i been further from elsewhere and otherwise

we're all mad here.

i tiptoe back

2008-09-16T06:32:45Z

blue sky and sunshine pour through the early autumn leaves, and i open my eyes to myself as my self for the first time in weeks, happy and weightless. an unencumbered solar plexus.

i can breathe again
and i weep with relief

the end of you

2008-09-15T14:07:36Z

.

.
.
.

exams

2008-08-25T23:01:52Z

list 1: the gothic
an outline of the project, covering canonical 18th- and 19th-century gothic novels and contemporary gothic criticism

list 2: the field
the 18th- and 19th-century novel canon, plus key texts on the history of the novel and assorted criticism

list 3: the theory
feminist and psychoanalytic theory ranging from freud through irigaray through deleuze, plus an assortment of marxist and socialist texts, theories of sexuality, and a lot of foucault

total pages: 14

total number of items: 216

write: september 29, october 1, october 3

defend: october 14

status update

2008-08-07T07:53:22Z

daisy chaingun is about a boy